Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

« How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! »

Alexander Pope

Good morning. Good night. I don't know, it's almost half past two a.m., but nobody is sleeping in this (empty?) dorm, it's time to wake up.

I have just finished to watch a really nice movie which everybody should watch at least once in life. It is supposed to be a good lesson for all those who are a little bit baffled at the moment. No surprises!

My last days in Vilnius are rather strange. I don't really understand if I'd like to stay here more and more time or if I really need and want to come back home. Homeward bound or "young, wild and free"?

No way to understand anything.

Is it still Erasmus or what?

Do I need to admit all finished?

Do I need to stay with my friends in Italy?

Do I need to take care of myself?

Do I need to stop with my crazy drinking night?

Do I need to remember and forget at the same time?

Too many questions without answers, as always.

I just want you to see what my drinking night can sometimes create: my lovely knee (live it's even worst)! Don't ask me how it is possible. I remember just 40% of last Tuesday. Enjoy!

worst than this

Definitely, this is one of the worst days of my life.

I just want to lie in my bed and feel like a vegetable.

no uploads today, only this song

enjoy.

a-

anxiety

mmm, this is my first post in English. Actually, I decided to write it because I'd like somebody more to read it, that's all.

This won't be nice, this won't be happy and probably it will make me more and more depressed. Let's start from the beginning.

When you fill your application form to ask to be an Erasmus, nobody will tell you what will happen after. Nobody will tell you about the risks and the problems.

Above all, nobody will tell you what coming back home means and that, probably, it will seem the end of the world.

• Missing people.
• Many regrets. Less remorses.
• Things which fall apart.

First, the time doesn't seem to pass at all. After 4 months you usually wake up and you finally notice everything's gonna finish.

An Erasmus student loses his/her sense of control and s/he no more the person who was before to depart. Every single event is amplified and s/he does things s/he has never imagined to do.

When I applie for my Erasmus scholarship I didn't know anything at all.

One months and a half and then...puff. One week...and it will be worst.

That's why, this afternoon, I wanted to die.

All will definitely turn bad.

There are some things nobody cannot explain, and that's one of them.

I don't really want to write anything anymore.

I just wanna say thank you all, because these days will never come back.

I'm gonna go to my corner and [...]. I'm not that kind of person, but now I'm sad.

I love you, all. And I'm serious when I write I will never forget you, I will never let you go. In one way or another. This is for you!

A.